Post(s) tagged with "rape"
Hey friends/followers,
I wrote a personal story for The Gloss a few days ago. It’s one I’ve meant to write for nearly a decade but it never came out quite right. The prompt was “I Regret…” and at first, I began to write about how I have wasted a significant portion of my life on at least one person who was not worthy of my friendship. And then I thought more; was that actually my biggest regret? Is that the one that has affected how I function day in and day out? No, it wasn’t. It was an unfortunate circumstance; the topic I actually wrote about was the one I would give anything to go back and change.
As I’ve said before, I’m not looking for pity. I have also wasted quite a bit of my life desperately searching for empathy of some sort or for somebody else to make me happy, but—of course—I am the only one who can do those things for myself. I’m looking to forgive myself, to see the future as it is intended to be seen (bright, possible), and to offer myself to anybody who needs to know they’re not alone. I know what it is to feel your ears perk horribly at loud noises and feel your spine contorting when a person in a bar touches you without asking. I know what it is to be in a dark place—none of us are alone.
But it’s never enough to simply say “you’re not alone” to others; we have to show it. It’s so integral to recovery on a mass scale that we discourage slut-shaming and victim-blaming sentiments and actions. We have to show one another that we’re not embarrassed, that we know it wasn’t our faults, that guilt is not going to devour us because out there, somebody else is in a dark place and—even if it’s not “technically” our responsibility to help, we are almost all within our abilities to.
Anyways, whether you dig the idea of the article or not, I would love for you to check it out and let me know in the comments section or something; I’m a firm believer that without critique, few things will ever improve. And if any of you have things you’ve written that you ever want a fresh pair of eyes to see, let me know because I’d love to read it.
Best,
Sam
Say What Now of the Day: In today’s edition of Santorum Santorum Says: Rape victims who get pregnant “have to make the best out of a bad situation.”
(Also: “I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you.”)
[think.]
OH FUCKING HELL NO.
Source: thedailywhat
- Johnny Depp, during a poor-me-I’m-just-a-wittle-celebrity rant about why rape is similar to photoshoots
How’s that for hipster irony?
how many more times does this have to happen?
ugh, exactly.
The list of reasons to send Dov Charney to prison just continues to increase.
Goddammit. Is there anyone who makes a quality t-shirt who doesn’t make me feel like I need a shower just thinking about them?
Ok. Yeah. No more shopping here ever. No matter what. The end.
Oh god fuck this. American Apparel is, for the most part, a tacky one-trick pony anyways. But this? Unforgivable.
Source: alexrager
I really wish I would have been able to go to D.C. today for SlutWalk. This is what it’s all about.
I wish I could have gone to the London SlutWalk.
I love how brave this is.
<3
Everyone knows that “no means no,” of course (although sexual predators refuse to comply with that). But silent protests also mean no. Trying to push somebody off of you means no. Trying to walk away also means no. Being super drunk and unable to even stand or talk should automatically say to the person trying to sleep with the drunk person, “Hey, perhaps I should try when they’re sober because they can’t legally consent to this.”
Unfortunately, it doesn’t, and it leads to those who have had those experiences to feel confused and guilty because everyone knows “no means no” but other situations are less discussed. Being an “imperfect victim” is a frustrating thing. Being sexually active or outspoken or “provocatively dressed” or being somebody who consumes alcohol and/or drugs on a regular basis are all considered imperfections. Not being “modest” about one’s clothing choices or being considered a “slut” because you are sexually active frequently result in having people not fully blame the rapist—as though having sex with one person makes it suddenly permissive for another person to force him or herself upon you.
Rape culture enforces these ideals and creates an environment where rape is taken as a joke or some sort of cultural norm. It’s a punchline that people don’t think twice about. When I was younger, I definitely contributed to that (something I’m pretty ashamed of)—partially because I was dealing with my own experiences and it was easier to look at them as jokes rather than painful memories, and partially because I was immature and didn’t understand that some things should be off limits because they’re harmful to not take seriously—but now I wouldn’t dream of making a rape joke. Considering how sickened and uncomfortable I know it makes me and millions of other victims. It’s not the same as joking about murder (i.e. “I’m going to kill you!”) because everybody knows murder is fucked up and bad and yadda yadda. Generally speaking, you’re not going to create a murderer by joking about it occasionally. But with rape, joking about it as frequently as people creates an attitude that really DOES harm the victims because it makes society view victims as somehow contributing to their own rape as well as making rape seem socially acceptable…and considering how underprosecuted sex crimes are, those potential rapists don’t even have to feel afraid of being arrested for those crimes.
Anyways, I would apologize for the rant, but I don’t really feel upset or embarrassed for being so vehement.
Source: i-suckseed
So, I’m not usually particularly aware of most pop music and its happenings until like, three months after the fact (partially because I never listen to the radio, partially because I rarely watch TV), but I saw this lovely article calling Rihanna’s new video for “Man Down” an “an inexcusable, shock-only, shoot-and-kill theme song.” I decided to watch the video (posted above) and see what they were referring to.
If you don’t feel like watching the video, the premise is a girl who is generally carefree and walking around, enjoying herself until later that night, she goes to a club or party where a guy tries to dance with her, she turns him down, and he follows her home and it is implied that she is sexually assaulted. She runs home, gets a gun, and shoots him.
Now, while this does indeed seem like a violent music video, I’m half-shocked and half-not-remotely-surprised that “family” groups and the media would choose this one to pick on. Some of the most popular and widely circulated music videos on television advocate violence—and seldom are criticized half this badly—but that is not why they’re choosing this video to criticize. In so many videos of the past fifteen years (and longer), there is a distinctively misogynistic tone—anybody who has seen Sut Jhally’s “Dream Worlds” would undoubtedly agree—where the females are continuously undermined, degraded, and turned into sex objects. Dozens of women flocking around one or two men, dancing while scantily clad while allowing men to touch them, grab them, yell at them, control them, etc.. all while lyrics describing them as “hoes,” “bitches,” and “sluts” are spat out. Think I’m exaggerating? Watch MTV for one hour and count how many occurrences of this there are; sure, there are videos that don’t fall into this category, but there are hundreds that do. And how odd is it that—despite these videos often not requiring an ounce of creativity—they’re still popular and being made frequently? If misogyny isn’t still an issue in music videos, why is it that there are still audiences who enjoy watching degradation?
Anyways, my point: While these desperately uncreative videos are being spewed out by the music industry, a video like Rihanna’s stands out and is therefore attacked. Why? Not because it has a gun—because tons of videos have guns and/or discuss them, not because it has violence—loads of videos have that, as well, but because it’s a woman fighting back. Deny it, call me an asshole feminist, whatever—but it’s true. Take any video where there’s violence and sex involving men getting what they want and it’ll be (1)popular (2)not particularly criticized, but add a female and a motivation? Suddenly, it’s mental warfare on children.
Don’t get me wrong—I don’t advocate violence. I also really don’t advocate the glorification of sexual assault or sexual violence on anybody (men and woman alike). However, I saw the video, and from what I saw, it was definitely not glamorized, nor was it beautiful, nor was it made to look like it was remotely acceptable behavior on his part. I think if they had made it some long, drawn-out scene where it looked more like a dance or something “pretty,” I would’ve been extremely upset, but that was not the case. As a survivor, I do not advocate for violence used as a revenge method, but given what trauma and PTSD do to the brain? I’d be lying if I said it’s never crossed my mind, and I doubt I’m alone in that.
It’s similar to the way that music videos frequently show oiled-up women rubbing on one another while dancing for men and nobody bats an eye, but if somebody makes a video involving two men kissing or two women genuinely enjoying one another without performing for men, it’s suddenly oh-my-god-the-worst-thing-ever-what-are-we-doing-to-our-kids?! These double standards exist all over the industry and if you’re the sort of person who sort of shrugs and accepts them because these don’t directly affect you, so be it, but they’ll continue to exist until people stop accepting them as fact.
Regardless of whether or not violence and sexual violence are “okay” to show on television, it still stands that this particular video is being attacked for reasons way beyond that. Considering Law & Order: SVU, CSI, dozens of music videos, and so many other programs that utilize and exploit extreme sexual abuse and violence as plot devices and rating boosters are still on the air, the guided conclusion of these particular claims on this particular video is that this needs to be taken off the air because it shows fighting back.
I need to remind myself of this. I always blame my rape on all of the below. I was drunk, promiscuous and careless. NOT MY FAULT. He had no right, but he was physically stronger than I.
Reblogging this to remind myself to tear it apart later.
It’s also a good idea to remind yourself that ANYONE can be a victim of rape. Even men.
Source: cardamine
“Now, was Logan raped last Friday? The Times’s Brian Stelter skirted the question, writing, like almost all the other media, that Logan was “sexually assaulted.” Was it rape, or was the sexual component of the vicious attack considerably less than that?… It’s also possible that she was sexually assaulted in every which way but rape. Yes, almost as bad, but still not as bad as rape.”
Wow.
I can say that (for me, at least) they’re equally horrifying, equally damaging, and equally impacting. Sorry, Mr. Harkavy, but regardless of what’s shoved into you or what’s done to you, the emotional toll is still a daily, painful struggle. It’s incredibly insulting to call something “almost as bad” as rape or to tell somebody that their pain and assault deserves less assistance, attention, sympathy, care, whatever. It’s an insult to anybody who has ever been forced to perform oral sex on somebody while saying no, it’s an insult to anybody who’s ever been abused in any way—would you seriously tell a child that been a victim of molestation that what they went through was, at least, not “as bad” as being raped and at least that didn’t happen to them?
While having your bum pinched at a bar is not as traumatic nor as harmful to most people as rape (though it can be emotionally traumatic if it happens to somebody who has been sexually assaulted, as it can trigger PTSD and terrible memories), I think that trying to come up with a scale of sexual assault in order to determine how “outraged” people should be is flat out insulting to anybody who has ever suffered from abuse, sexual harassment (which certainly can be very traumatic), sexual assault, and/or rape.
We should be outraged about all of these things. Not trying to come up with measurements of what’s worse—the point is that every single one of these things is wrong no matter how you look at them. Regardless of whether or not Lara Logan was penetrated in her assault, she was still assaulted, and the only adequate reaction should be pure outrage against the perpetrators and pure support for the victim.
Yours Bluely
I taught myself to survive a four-story fall.
Sam, 22, native New Yorker living in southern California. Not for the faint of heart (though my life is mostly tl;dr). I dig avocado, rant often, and have excessive levels of empathy in my system. Fondu au noir.
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Self-centered bitterness, now on Twitter.
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