Post(s) tagged with "feminism"

Something I just don’t understand but have unfortunately noticed a lot recently—though, of course, it’s always existed—is body superiority amongst females.  Women who I respect (well, most of them) and believe to be intelligent, women who are generally well-spoken individuals.  Rather than simply being confident in their figures, which is a wonderful thing to be, they assume other women are jealous of their bodies which absolutely crosses the “huge ego” bridge onto Ridiculously Overblown Sense of Importance Island. I’ve heard the phrase “she just hates me because I’m skinnier than she is” from a remarkable number of people in the past few years (is it a California thing?), and every time all I can think is, “Or because you’re an asshole.”  Thin girls assuming that the world owes them something and that other females that dislike them only feel that way out of jealousy, not the actions or personality of that person. And it’s not just from smaller-figured women, either.  I’ve heard “at least I have boobs” and “men only like curves” and “she’s gross skinny” so many times—I, for example, used to occasionally be one of those people.  I was self-conscious of my weight so I just fed into the “well, my tits are big so therefore they’re better” idea for a while until a few years ago when I realized that that was moronic and ridiculous.  But I still hear things like these from women who are out of college, appear to have high self-esteem, and are very appealing in the traditional, looks-related sense. I know, I know—I’m on my soap box again.  But seriously, can’t we all just avoid both a superiority complex and a low level of confidence?

Something I just don’t understand but have unfortunately noticed a lot recently—though, of course, it’s always existed—is body superiority amongst females.  Women who I respect (well, most of them) and believe to be intelligent, women who are generally well-spoken individuals.  Rather than simply being confident in their figures, which is a wonderful thing to be, they assume other women are jealous of their bodies which absolutely crosses the “huge ego” bridge onto Ridiculously Overblown Sense of Importance Island.

I’ve heard the phrase “she just hates me because I’m skinnier than she is” from a remarkable number of people in the past few years (is it a California thing?), and every time all I can think is, “Or because you’re an asshole.”  Thin girls assuming that the world owes them something and that other females that dislike them only feel that way out of jealousy, not the actions or personality of that person.

And it’s not just from smaller-figured women, either.  I’ve heard “at least I have boobs” and “men only like curves” and “she’s gross skinny” so many times—I, for example, used to occasionally be one of those people.  I was self-conscious of my weight so I just fed into the “well, my tits are big so therefore they’re better” idea for a while until a few years ago when I realized that that was moronic and ridiculous.  But I still hear things like these from women who are out of college, appear to have high self-esteem, and are very appealing in the traditional, looks-related sense.

I know, I know—I’m on my soap box again.  But seriously, can’t we all just avoid both a superiority complex and a low level of confidence?

24 May 2 Permalink
curvesfemalefeminismgirl hatewtfconfidenceboobsnudenakedlunchsandwichtitsgorgeousgarterslingerie.suitcase

Fact: I don’t trust women who have few or no female friends.

When I meet a female who tells me that “girls hate her” or that she “doesn’t get along with other women,” I instantly am repelled from being around them.  ”Girls hate me” tends to be code for “I don’t like not being the only girl in the group, so I make sure to only surround myself with males,” and that isn’t okay with me.  It’s one thing if it has just sort of happened—for example, if they were bullied in their youth by girls and are still affected by that—but it’s another if it’s simply because they dislike all other females.

If you say things like “I’m almost exclusively friends with guys,” it doesn’t say “oh, this girl is so awesome and guys love her!”  Instead, it says, “I’m insecure and can’t deal with other females—unless they’re significantly more passive than I—so I try to surround myself with men.”  

Girl hate is something I am desperately opposed to.  I think being rude or cruel to one another purely based on not wanting “competition” is a ridiculous concept, and yet so many females have no idea that that’s why they’re behaving the way they do.  It’s not a jealousy thing—by no means am I saying people like myself and many other girls I know have had these experiences because of our looks or something—it’s just a strange, borderline primal urge to compete with one another.

I know men who have very few male friends, but most of them are gay and have simply had terrible experiences with straight males in the past with bullying and whatnot (I know—it’s fucking 2012, what gives? but that’s a whole other rant).  I can’t think of any guys I know who simply don’t hang out with guys ever, though I’m sure there are some out there.

I admit outright used to be one of those girls.  The majority of my friends were male, though I had a couple of best friends that were females whom I trusted, and I tended to be a giant bitch towards most other women or, at the very least, not want to get close to them.  But then about two years ago, I realized how desperately stupid this was and apologized to several of the girls whom I was unkind to.  In fact, two of them—Katie and Josie—are now my best friends in all of California and I love them to bits.  We always laugh about the fact that we hated one another when we met, but it’s still embarrassing that I used to be such a rancid jerk.  I stopped being friends with another girl who hates other girls because (along with other things) it was so sad to never have any other girls around us.

To simply disregard all females as “bitches” or as “dramatic” is ridiculous.  Plenty of human beings, overall, are insanely dramatic—but that is not a quality mutually exclusive to the vagina-possessors of the world.  It does a disservice not only to women, overall, but to the people who say such things; they are missing out on so many potentially amazing friends just because of the anatomy they possess and the connotations assigned to them.

Of course, I don’t deny that a lot of it is based on the fact that, as females, we have to try so much harder to be fairly treated whether it’s in the media’s representations of us, the job market, or relationships in general, but that doesn’t mean our treatment of one another has to reflect this.  In fact, not to get all kumbaya on you folks, but if we act supportive and happy for other females, a lot of that “fair treatment” thing will improve.

22 May 6 Permalink
feminismfemaleswomenfemalegenderdynamicsgirl hate
I Regret: Not Pressing Charges ⇢

Hey friends/followers,

I wrote a personal story for The Gloss a few days ago.  It’s one I’ve meant to write for nearly a decade but it never came out quite right.  The prompt was “I Regret…” and at first, I began to write about how I have wasted a significant portion of my life on at least one person who was not worthy of my friendship.  And then I thought more; was that actually my biggest regret?  Is that the one that has affected how I function day in and day out?  No, it wasn’t.  It was an unfortunate circumstance; the topic I actually wrote about was the one I would give anything to go back and change.

As I’ve said before, I’m not looking for pity.  I have also wasted quite a bit of my life desperately searching for empathy of some sort or for somebody else to make me happy, but—of course—I am the only one who can do those things for myself.  I’m looking to forgive myself, to see the future as it is intended to be seen (bright, possible), and to offer myself to anybody who needs to know they’re not alone. I know what it is to feel your ears perk horribly at loud noises and feel your spine contorting when a person in a bar touches you without asking.  I know what it is to be in a dark place—none of us are alone.

But it’s never enough to simply say “you’re not alone” to others; we have to show it.  It’s so integral to recovery on a mass scale that we discourage slut-shaming and victim-blaming sentiments and actions.  We have to show one another that we’re not embarrassed, that we know it wasn’t our faults, that guilt is not going to devour us because out there, somebody else is in a dark place and—even if it’s not “technically” our responsibility to help, we are almost all within our abilities to.

Anyways, whether you dig the idea of the article or not, I would love for you to check it out and let me know in the comments section or something; I’m a firm believer that without critique, few things will ever improve.  And if any of you have things you’ve written that you ever want a fresh pair of eyes to see, let me know because I’d love to read it.

Best,
Sam 

2 May 1 Permalink
regretthe glosstheglossglossrapelawsexual assaultsexwomen's rightsfeminismdepressionsadwritingnonfiction
Tonight, I weighed myself for the first time in a minute.  I’m 5’7” and I get stressed about my weight being above about 125 usually.  So today, I weighed myself and I’m 145.  I’m usually so uncomfortable with sizes like that and then I remembered that when I was 125, I was pretty fucking uncomfortable still, too.  And then I remembered the obvious: I can be lovely regardless of my weight.  I know it sounds obvious and oh-so-women’s-magazine, but it’s usually hard to truly accept: I am attractive not regardless of my weight, but partially because of my weight.  I make sense having hella tits.  My personality is wide-set just like my hips. I like looking the way I do and I don’t want to be skinnier/heavier/affecting of my habits than I already am, so out go my dieting books, motherfucker.  I’ll keep running per daily but not because I’m afraid of whether or not my waist looks good in my bathing suit.  I’ll keep eating healthy, but that’s because my sleep schedule works and my body feel better when I do, not because my shorts will look looser.  I’ll stop telling people I weigh less than I do (which is rare as it as, anyways) or am a different size than I am because, let’s be honest, if they’re down with me, it will have nothing to do with what’s on my tag.  I think there’s a sadly traditional view that all heavy girls want to be skinny/emaciated/etc. but that’s simply untrue.  Sometimes I think it’d be easier, but usually I’m pretty stoked at how my bras look on me. Anyways, peace out, kittens.  I hope everyone had a solid weekend.

Tonight, I weighed myself for the first time in a minute.  I’m 5’7” and I get stressed about my weight being above about 125 usually.  So today, I weighed myself and I’m 145.  I’m usually so uncomfortable with sizes like that and then I remembered that when I was 125, I was pretty fucking uncomfortable still, too.  And then I remembered the obvious: I can be lovely regardless of my weight.  I know it sounds obvious and oh-so-women’s-magazine, but it’s usually hard to truly accept: I am attractive not regardless of my weight, but partially because of my weight.  I make sense having hella tits.  My personality is wide-set just like my hips.

I like looking the way I do and I don’t want to be skinnier/heavier/affecting of my habits than I already am, so out go my dieting books, motherfucker.  I’ll keep running per daily but not because I’m afraid of whether or not my waist looks good in my bathing suit.  I’ll keep eating healthy, but that’s because my sleep schedule works and my body feel better when I do, not because my shorts will look looser.  I’ll stop telling people I weigh less than I do (which is rare as it as, anyways) or am a different size than I am because, let’s be honest, if they’re down with me, it will have nothing to do with what’s on my tag.  I think there’s a sadly traditional view that all heavy girls want to be skinny/emaciated/etc. but that’s simply untrue.  Sometimes I think it’d be easier, but usually I’m pretty stoked at how my bras look on me.

Anyways, peace out, kittens.  I hope everyone had a solid weekend.

16 April 11 Permalink
cliche self-interestfeminismweightweight losscurves
skelet0ns: but I’m not (by Userr) And I never will be, and that’s all right with I.

skelet0ns:

but I’m not (by Userr)

And I never will be, and that’s all right with I.

Source: Flickr / userr

30 March 152 maritimeandspace Permalink
sexpurityfeminism
 Menstrual blood flowing from the cervix. Is it odd that the only thing that weirds me out about this is the fact that speculums are the fucking Devil incarnated?

Menstrual blood flowing from the cervix.

Is it odd that the only thing that weirds me out about this is the fact that speculums are the fucking Devil incarnated?

Source: nepiophilia

24 March 454 barfonmydick Permalink
feminismfemaleanatomy
I'm not okay with Chris Brown performing at the Grammys and I'm not sure why you are. ⇢

Read the article above; it’s excellently written.

My own thoughts on the matter—basically, the whole Chris Brown situation (read: he abused his girlfriend) makes me livid.

I’ve been hit in the face before, as I’ve written about previously and as many of you might just already know.  I’ve been hit in the face out of anger more than once and, to be frank, it fucking sucked.  I still feel horrible and powerless and confused about those times, and though I have tons of supportive friends, there’s always at least one or two people that act as though speaking out against it is somehow just “too much,” which is one of the criticisms that many people had regarding Rihanna.  Somehow, people believed it was her fault and that everyone made “too big a deal” out of the matter.  That she just wanted attention.  That if she “doesn’t speak out publicly” about it, it shouldn’t be taken seriously—kids, she didn’t ASK for this situation.  He forced it upon her.

You know what also really sucked, though?  Hearing people discuss domestic violence as well as sexual violence as though they were knock-knock jokes.

If it doesn’t outrage you that somebody who abused his girlfriend—whom he claimed to love and respect—has not been shunned, then that implies several things about you that may or may not be true:

  1. Violence against women is a-okay in your book.
  2. Domestic abuse should be forgiven, or even rewarded.
  3. Five years probation for putting your girlfriend in the hospital is enough of a punishment.
  4. It’s okay to attack somebody because you feel like it.  It may even be that person’s fault because he or she pissed you off.

I don’t care if Chris Brown is “sorry.”  He didn’t pay any dues to society—there are people who get caught with a bit of weed that get higher penalties than that.  He punched his girlfriend in the face.  Re-read that:

He punched his girlfriend in the face.  He put her in the hospital.

And somehow he’s allowed to perform?  Somehow he’s not been shunned because at this point, we ALL should understand that hitting your significant other in the face is incredibly wrong, and we should not reward the type of person who thinks it’s okay and does so.

I get it: his music is catchy.  And that’s okay.  But by forgiving him and not condemning him for the horrible, horrible things he did?  Not okay.  Our media spins stories like Michael Vick’s and Kobe Bryant’s and Chris Brown’s as Cinderella storie.  But right now, they’re instead sending a very specific message: “If you are rich, talented, or famous enough, you can treat people-especially women—however you want.” 

13 February 9 Permalink
chris brownchrisbrownrihannaabusedomestic violenceviolence against womenfeminismviolencefucked up shit

thedailywhat:

Say What Now of the Day: In today’s edition of Santorum Santorum Says: Rape victims who get pregnant “have to make the best out of a bad situation.” 

(Also: “I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you.”)

[think.]

OH FUCKING HELL NO.

Source: thedailywhat

23 January 1599 thedailywhat Permalink
are you fucking kidding merapefeminismpregnancywomenwwomanassholessantorumrick santorum

Source: feministpunkrockers

15 January 5828 maritimeandspace Permalink
feminismbamwomengenderqueergender
workingsex: audaciaray: On December 17, International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers Marks One Year Since Bodies Discovered on Gilgo Beach In December 2010, the bodies of four women, later identified as Amber Lynn Costello, Megan Waterman, Melissa Barthelemy, and Maureen Brainard-Barnes were discovered on Gilgo Beach in Long Island, after the family of missing woman Shannan Gilbert insisted on a police investigation of her disappearance. The cases remain unsolved, and since December the remains of another six people have been discovered in the area. The Suffolk County Police Department, which is responsible for the investigation, believes that it is likely that there are multiple local killers who are preying on people who sell sexual services. On December 17, 2011 people in the sex trade and the people who love and support us will gather at Trinity Lutheran Church of Manhattan from 2 to 4 pm to hold a vigil for the victims of the Long Island killers and the many other people killed every year because they trade sex and are vulnerable to violence. The event will feature community activist speakers, a candle lighting, and a reading of the names of people in the sex trade who have been murdered this year. The International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers was first organized nearly a decade ago by sex workers in San Francisco to memorialize the people murdered by serial killer Gary Ridgway. Ridgway captured the attitude that cultivates violence towards sex workers: “I picked prostitutes because I thought I could kill as many of them as I wanted without getting caught.” At the event, we create a space that challenges this assumption by demonstrating that we have a caring community. WHEN: Saturday, December 17, 2011 from 2 to 4 pm WHERE: Trinity Lutheran Church of Manhattan, 164 West 100th Street near Amsterdam Avenue. 1, 2, or 3 train to 96th Street. New York City. WHO: Organized by sex worker support and advocacy groups the Red Umbrella Project and the Sex Workers Outreach Project New York. Attendees will be people currently or formerly involved in the sex trades and our friends, family, allies, and those concerned for our health and safety. Those in New York — take note! Taking a brief break from my…well, break just to say you should all go to this if possible! <3

workingsex:

audaciaray:

On December 17, International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers Marks One Year Since Bodies Discovered on Gilgo Beach

In December 2010, the bodies of four women, later identified as Amber Lynn Costello, Megan Waterman, Melissa Barthelemy, and Maureen Brainard-Barnes were discovered on Gilgo Beach in Long Island, after the family of missing woman Shannan Gilbert insisted on a police investigation of her disappearance. The cases remain unsolved, and since December the remains of another six people have been discovered in the area. The Suffolk County Police Department, which is responsible for the investigation, believes that it is likely that there are multiple local killers who are preying on people who sell sexual services.

On December 17, 2011 people in the sex trade and the people who love and support us will gather at Trinity Lutheran Church of Manhattan from 2 to 4 pm to hold a vigil for the victims of the Long Island killers and the many other people killed every year because they trade sex and are vulnerable to violence. The event will feature community activist speakers, a candle lighting, and a reading of the names of people in the sex trade who have been murdered this year.

The International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers was first organized nearly a decade ago by sex workers in San Francisco to memorialize the people murdered by serial killer Gary Ridgway. Ridgway captured the attitude that cultivates violence towards sex workers: “I picked prostitutes because I thought I could kill as many of them as I wanted without getting caught.” At the event, we create a space that challenges this assumption by demonstrating that we have a caring community.

WHEN: Saturday, December 17, 2011 from 2 to 4 pm

WHERE: Trinity Lutheran Church of Manhattan, 164 West 100th Street near Amsterdam Avenue. 1, 2, or 3 train to 96th Street. New York City.

WHO: Organized by sex worker support and advocacy groups the Red Umbrella Project and the Sex Workers Outreach Project New York. Attendees will be people currently or formerly involved in the sex trades and our friends, family, allies, and those concerned for our health and safety.

Those in New York — take note!

Taking a brief break from my…well, break just to say you should all go to this if possible! <3

Source: audaciaray

12 December 455 projectqueer Permalink
violenceviolence against womensex workersnew yorkmanhattanfeminism
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Yours Bluely

I taught myself to survive a four-story fall.

Sam, 22, native New Yorker living in southern California. Not for the faint of heart (though my life is mostly tl;dr). I dig avocado, rant often, and have excessive levels of empathy in my system. Fondu au noir.

-I do makeup for film, photography, events, etc.
-I would love to do yours: Portfolio//Contact info.
-Sometimes I write about serious things.
-I'm moving to Brooklyn in one month; see "Things I Will Miss In California" for more on that.
-Reasons Why Being Single Is Fucking Awesome (A Work of Fiction); but seriously, it is

Self-centered bitterness, now on Twitter.


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